Everything Has Changed
by savinglives44
Summary: Nothing's been the same since New York. It's been different since the Mandarin. Parallels in Tony and Pepper's life and relationship after New York and after Killian.


**Everything Has Changed**

_Cause all I know is we said, "Hello."  
And your eyes look like coming home_

_-T. Swift_

* * *

_Nothing's been the same since New York._

Tony is jolted from intense concentration on his work by his phone buzzing. It takes him two buzzes to pick up.

"Tony."

Pepper's video-dialed him from work, it seems. Tony glances at the clock. It's seven at night, later than usual for her to call him. He wonders how long it's been since he's seen her. He feels a significant loss of contact with her, so it's probably been a few days. They've been busy.

"Do you want me to come over tonight?" she asks. She has circles under her eyes, and her voice is slow and weary.

"Yeah…I'm just in the middle of a project, but it'll take a while anyway. You should come over." He's elbows deep in a new suit, upgrading some of the panels so they can store more ammo.

"Okay, see you soon," she says with a tired smile.

They hang up and Tony barks, "JARVIS, have Dummy pick up a pair of sweatpants from Pepper's stuff in my room and have them ready at the door." Pepper liked to relax immediately when she first got off of work, and that included changing out of her tight skirts and suits.

"Will do, sir."

"And let me know when Potts has made it past the gate."

Tony tried to work as fast as possible to finish up what he was working on, but he was dizzy and unfocused from not sleeping the past night.

It seemed like five minutes before JARVIS was announcing her arrival.

"Damn it," He threw the wrench into the body of the suit. He took a deep breath and then dove back in, angrily tearing open the latch he was working on. "Finally!" He stared at it, "JARVIS, can you widen this compartment by 2.5 square inches? Thanks. And don't forget to cover it up."

"Miss Potts is at the door, sir."

"Crap," He threw one last glance at the suit and barreled upstairs.

Pepper was inside, taking her sweatpants from Dummy. "There you are," she said.

"Here I am," He answered, kissing her quickly on the lips. "Haven't seen you in a long time."

"I know…" She put her sweatpants on and took off her skirt. Tony inwardly laughed at her nice green blouse paired with the sweatpants, but forgot a moment later when she kisses him again.

They moved to sit on the couch together. "What'd you do today?" He asked her.

She ran a hand through her hair. "I met with mostly SI people, just hearing how the different programs are going. We're starting a reward system where employees get gift cards for working out."

"So they can go spend all the money eating out?"

"Yep." She smiled, "Have a little faith, Tony. They might actually use it as an incentive to get healthier."

"Can I be a part of this program?"

She laughed, "You don't need to lose weight, and you DON'T need any more money."

He enjoyed her laugh and could smell a hint of perfume, but mostly the scent of Pepper's skin, to which he'd grown accustomed. He buried his nose in her neck and tugged on her until she straddled him. He didn't realize how much he'd missed her until he felt her so close.

She gripped his face and kissed him, rising up on her knees to get a deeper angle. He pulled her hips against his chest. His hand went into her hair to let the rest of it down, and it framed their faces. From the rush of adrenaline with his excitement, he found could focus better, and felt as awake as he would have if he'd slept ten hours a night. Since dating her, sex had become almost a pattern to him. He was still learning her, but knew when to kiss her neck and when to stroke her hips and when she needed him to do the work.

He looked for the pattern…she kissed him hard, so he needed to bring her hips back down to grind with his. She moaned- he squeezed her ass, drawing it out. He enjoyed their patterns and predictability.

Suddenly, she rose back on her knees again. "Tony. Sorry," she panted.

He hadn't realized that his kisses had taken her breath away. He rubbed the underside of her knees with his thumb. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Just a leg cramp." She winced and climbed off of him, sitting back down on the couch as she stretched her leg out.

In an instant, he was beside her, their torsos pressing into each other as his fingertips stroked up her inner thigh. He was focused. "Should we take a break?" He suggested out of kindness, but hoping she'd brush it off.

"No," she said hesitantly, still not returning his affection.

"I need you, Pepper." He took her hand that was not rubbing her calf, intending to show her his physical need. "I love you."

"No," she jerked away. "You're just saying that because you want sex."

"I know," he admitted. He tried to pace himself so he wouldn't say or do anything else that would make her feel that way. "Sorry. I do love you and I haven't seen you for a while."

"It's okay," she held his hand. "I just feel like my life is this cycle of working so much and not seeing you, and then coming here and having lots of sex, and then we do it all over again."

"Yeah." It did seem like their past few encounters were just sexual. They'd expend all their energy on a few hours of sex and then Pepper would go home, work a few more days, and come back. "You could move in. You wouldn't have to leave at night, and we could spend more time together."

She thought for a full minute before speaking again. "I'd love to live with you someday, in the future, but I don't think we're ready for that yet. Not until we can spend at least an hour together without having sex or fighting about work." The tone in her voice seemed slightly frustrated, compounded with her rubbing her temples.

"Fine, we can do that. We used to do that all the time." He snuck an arm around her waist to pull her close and cuddle, like they used to.

"Yeah." Pepper seemed less than convinced.

"What?" He was tired of having to earn her approval.

"I'm going to be honest, Tony…"

As much as he appreciated her honesty and knew he was the luckiest man in the world to be in a relationship with her, those words and that tone of voice made all the cells in his body groan.

She continued, "I'm not sure you find me interesting anymore, aside from sex."

"That's absurd. I think you are plenty interesting." He wasn't sure how else to respond. That couldn't be true. He loved Pepper and his mind flashed to a time when he acted like he knew how lucky he was to have her. Maybe he could do a little better sometimes, but after all, he'd had Dummy get her favorite sweatpants!

"You're always doing something else when I talk to you. Like what I'm saying isn't important to you." She started to draw away from him, and he realized how close he was pressing her to his body, even in the midst of this conversation.

"You know I need something to do with my hands. I'm listening to you right now, aren't I?"

"No, you're not. I can tell your mind is somewhere else. Trying to figure out to get me to put out when I'm angry. Or maybe back in the workshop. I can't tell."

"Stop." He was trying to get laid, but he couldn't handle all these accusations. "I can think multiple things at the same time, and be focused on you even when I'm trying to solve a different problem."

She crossed her arms. "Did you hear yourself? You can't do that, Tony. You can't think two things at once."

"Yes, I can." He withdrew his hand from the small of her back. It didn't feel right to be touching her anymore.

They sat in silence separately for a while and his mind started to wander. For some reason, he was reminded of an article he read about pyrrhic victory -a victory equal to defeat because of the outstanding losses that occur. His eyes were opened to Pepper's hurt and the future of their relationship if he continued to be successful in their arguments.

He couldn't lose her. Whatever needed to be sacrificed- his pride, his stubbornness, "winning" the argument, he would do it because losing her would be tantamount to death.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly after a moment. "Since New York, things have been messed up. I can't sleep. I want to treat you better than this and I'm sorry." He placed a hand on her knee.

"Really?" She noticed his sincerity.

"Yes, and I will try to listen better." Even though he was listening fine before. He gritted his teeth.

If she noticed, she didn't care. She sat up and hugged him. "Thank you, Tony. I'm sorry it's been so hard for you. New York terrified me too. I've been trying to move on."

When he heard her say that, he felt an overwhelming sense of dread. She was moving on, but he wasn't. He knew he was still stuck in New York, and believed he'd be chasing those demons away forever.

She pressed her lips to his cheek. "I love you," she moved her lips to his mouth.

He enjoyed her kisses, but kept reminding himself that he didn't deserve her.

She broke the kiss off before it could escalate. "Have you had anything to eat?"

"No." He'd forget meals for weeks if it wasn't for her. "Want to order something?"

She shook her head. "I've already ate. I can make you a sandwich?"

"Sounds great. Love you."

She laughed, "You're just saying that because I'm making you food." She rose to her feet.

"You keep doing nice things," he retorted. "If you start being a jerk and I still say it, only then you'll believe me."

"Good point. Maybe I won't make you a sandwich," she teased. Her words had no weight to them as she was heading for the kitchen. "Maybe I'll whip up some dessert? To share?"

He nodded and she disappeared. He couldn't quite tell if that was supposed to be arousing him, but it was. He pictured licking whipped cream off of Pepper, and then reminded himself to stop. She needed to know that she was more valuable than that. In an effort to distract himself, he grabbed his tablet. "JARVIS, pull up the schematics for Mark 40."

A hologram appeared in front of Tony in the image of the suit. "I've successfully widened the compartment. It can now fit two of the same missiles that were originally there, or a larger one altogether."

Tony wondered briefly if it would fit a miniature rocket he'd seen a few days ago. He'd made a prototype to see if he could change the shape at all. His hands twitched. "JARVIS, can you see if it will fit the mini-rocket?"

"What are the dimensions?"

"About 10x5 centimeters."

"It will be a close call, sir. Would you like Dummy to try and place it in the suit?"

"Yes," he thought of Pepper and looked towards the kitchen. She'd been there for less than 2 minutes. He could just go see if the rocket would fit and then come back. She'd never know. "Wait, no. I worked hard on that and if he tried to force it in, it'll break. I'm coming down. If Pepper gets back, let her know where I am, but keep her occupied."

Of course, the rocket was a half a centimeter too long, and Tony had to wait for JARVIS to weld the compartment back another centimeter and make sure it fit before JARVIS alerted him that "Miss Potts has left the premises."

"No…" He groaned. He raced upstairs to find her car already gone, and a sandwich and ice cream sundae waiting for him. "JARVIS, I am such an asshole." He banged his head against a nearby wall. "How many flowers is this going to take?"

"I'm no expert, but maybe if you slept for eight hours per night and sought treatment for your anxiety, you could focus on Miss Potts for more than the five minutes it takes you to reach orgasm."

"That's a low blow. Call Pepper please." He got her voicemail and left an incredibly apologetic message, proclaiming that he was really going to change. He ended with "I love you" and she forgave him after stringing him along for a couple of days. Still, he knew this wound had cut deep into her and he couldn't get back the trust he'd already lost.

* * *

_It's been different since the Mandarin._

Pepper's phone rang on her desk. She smiled because it was Tony and he'd changed his picture on a phone to a "selfie" after he'd just woken up in the morning. She let the phone ring for a moment so she could fully appreciate his tousled hair and half smile before she picked up, putting the phone on speakerphone so she could finish up her work.

"Hello?" She asked, even though she knew it was him.

"Hey Pep. What are you doing?"

"Just, um," she looked at the document she was preparing to sign and realized that she needed to change some of it, "signing some paperwork." She placed the packet in her 'to-do' pile for tomorrow and moved onto the next one. "I'll just finish this and then check my email and I'll be home. What are you doing?"

"Relaxing," he said, purposefully mysterious.

"Relaxing," she repeated. "As in, lounging about? Or do you have your hand down your pants?"

"What if I did? Would you oblige me? I would love to hear what you could do if you were trying to get me off with only the sound of your voice."

"Hmmm…" she tried to play it off as she was thinking, but really she was nervous at the prospect of phone sex. "Maybe later, when we're actually separated. I'll be home soon."

"Okay, you're right," he said. "It is much better in person."

She noticed movement in her peripheral vision and looked up. He was standing outside of the glass doors of her office, closing his cell phone. "Tony!" He entered. "What are you doing here?"

He approached her desk. "I thought you might want to go out to dinner."

"Oh!" She hadn't gotten used to the way he'd been treating her since Extremis and Killian. He'd taken her out on dates, and was investing in making her life better, not just protecting her. "Let me just finish this up." She stood and started organizing her papers.

"Here, let me help." He took some papers and began to put them in random files.

It took her a moment to realize he was actually making more trouble than helping, and that he was pressing his body against hers when he reached for files. She turned to face him and laughed.

He smiled, "Sorry, Pepper, I just don't think this is working." He placed his hands on her hips and lifted her on the desk. "You just sit here. And I'll…"

She pulled him close and kissed him. He stepped in between her legs and she felt his kisses turn more aggressive. He had one hand on her desk to anchor himself and another on her back, pressing her into him. She let him take control, returning his attempts to claim her with gentleness.

He pulled back. "I missed you. I'm sorry I couldn't make it to lunch."

"That's okay." She rubbed her lips, which she knew were red and swollen by now. "You got everything done that I asked you to, which is a miracle."

"No problem." He collapsed to her desk chair, but scooted it forward. He glanced up at her with a mischievous grin. "You ever have fantasies about me going down on you here?" He kissed her knee.

"Yes," she said, surprising herself. She let herself go for a moment and relished the feeling of his tongue on the inside of her upper thigh. Then, she took in her surroundings. "It's only five o'clock. There are still people working here." Her voice didn't have any conviction at all. If she couldn't convince herself that it was a bad idea, she wouldn't be able to convince Tony.

"I know. That's the point," he said with a smirk.

She was just spurring him on. "We should stop. Go to dinner."

"Take off your panties." He retorted.

Her hand was inching up her skirt to do just that when she heard herself say, "Wait." She hated to do this to him. "Can you just stop?"

"Sure." He immediately took his hand away and rose up out of the chair. He wouldn't look at her and she regretted making him feel shameful. He backed away from her. "I should just go. I'll wait for you outside."

"No, Tony." She grabbed his shirt and pulled him back "I'm sorry. You don't have to go. I wish I wasn't like this. You have no idea how much I want to make you happy." All she wanted, it seemed sometimes, was to please him, but she'd gotten hurt before in that pursuit.

"First of all, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Second, what do you mean, 'you wish you weren't like this'?"

She shifted in her seat. She didn't feel very comfortable talking about this with him, but she supposed she needed to reason her behavior. "Sometimes when you get…really needy…"

"Horny?" He clarified.

"Yes," she confirmed. "When you get that way it reminds me of when I felt like you only wanted me for sex."

"Do you still feel that way?"

"No," she thought for a moment. "I just am reminded of it and it makes me cautious. You know, it was literally my worst fear that I would be one of those girls that you just slept with and didn't see any other value in. I didn't feel like you treated me in that way at first, but after New York, you did, and now I'm just trying to figure it all out." She realized that he'd been trying to show her how he was different now and she wasn't giving him much credit to that. "I don't think it's in your inherent personality to use me, but after New York you felt weak and that's what you turned to."

"I don't think I felt weak…" She saw him shut down to what she was saying.

"Tony, please." She reached for him and gently grabbed the hem of his shirt. "I want to believe that you're different."

"Fine," He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I guess I haven't really thought about it that way," he confessed. "Maybe on some level. But now I've been consistent about sleep and talking to Banner about…stuff. I've been trying to take care of myself so I can take care of you."

"I really appreciate that." She had noticed his improved mood, in general. "I'm not saying that there's anything wrong now or that you should change at all. Everything's going great." She smiled and wanted to kiss him, but didn't want to lead him on. She held back. "I could work on trusting you more." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Please don't let me down."

"I won't. Thanks for…um…telling me how you feel. Is there anything else I can do for you?" He touched the small of her back.

"You can take me to dinner," she smiled coyly. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"Well, if we're going to do this honest thing…maybe I can tell you about my dreams, I mean, my nightmares sometime."

"Yeah," she nodded.

"If you think that will help."

* * *

**A/N**: This is possibly a series, if I have enough time. Leading into Tony's nightmares.

I struggled SO HARD with titling it after a TS song, but I literally couldn't get it out of my mind. It's possibly a little sarcastic play on the song. Because really, Taylor, everything changes when you almost die or New York is almost overtaken by aliens. Not when you meet a guy for the first time. Come on.

Just kidding.

Anyway, hoping that no one will pass this story up because of the title because there are 800 other fics out there with the same title or summary. I check.

For the sake of simplifying things, let's say Pepper is cured of Extremis.


End file.
